the eight families of tv

it begun somewhere with a flash back, nelson muntz of simpsons fame reminisced about a swirling wind, he was trying to remember the date it all happened, he saw a newspaper and as it slowed and time became clearer and more meaningfull he saw the date of march the 23rd

suddenly a bump awoke me on a train, we were heading to the science center on the top of the hill in order to get in you had to select the child locks you wished, people were trying to pressure us into clicking the childrens settings, but we noticed that every time a person selected on the touch screen (there were 3 to touch in order of child locks) a flash would go off, so I slyly took out my phone, pretended to press the child button and set of a flash, then brushed past the unrestricted child lock setting it off instead, we entered into the science center doors we were eager to learn about japans plans to help the people of the Seychelles, we emerged in a on a large island but still on the science center, we were up on a walk way and as we looked down the saw a wooden jetty, and in the back ground large metal cities being contructed of stilts for the people of the Seychelles

the wooden walk ways were possibly the last of the islands, but on the edge of a walk way we saw a man rocking in a chair with bright curly blonde hair, he was apparently the croccodile master and had killed all the crocodiles as they were too dangerous, but then I saw what a person could only see from above, crocodiles in the water, I went down and questioned him, he showed me a black and white photo of a man, who was dark with dark hair and looked nothing like the man in the chair

"thats me" he said
"no it isnt" I replied
"it was a long time ago that I rid the islands of the crocodiles" he said defencivly
"then why are there crocodiles circling is now as we speak?" I questioned

at this he became angry and people with news cameras began to arrive, I had ruined this man and he was not happy, he really was a crocodile master because he controled them and sent them into hiding, then he released some sort of spell against me but missed and hit some one else, it was like a zombie curse but less aggressive,

I jumped back onto the platform and ran in through a door, two people were effected on the inside walk way, avoiding them I jumped down into a room full of teenagers
three of them were infected too,

"I dont think it will last" I told them
"what shall we do with them?" one replied
"wrap them up in that basket and we will lock them up in the prison till they stop"

so just as we wrapped them up the door opened and the boys father looking stern said
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to his son who replied
"going to do a music gig, just packing our stuff"
"ok then" the dad said

so we left through the door, a few days later all was well again, some people didnt believe us about the crocodiles but others did and wanted to reward us

we went to the designated beach, it was packed with people, and right on the waters edge was a wrestling ring that was half in the see and half out but level, that was where we were to collect our prize, at 1st I thought I saw a crocodile but it turned out to be the mohican of one of the people with me and he stood up and emerged from the water

but our troubles were not over the evil crocodile man had released another nasty creature, some form of sea beast, it was 30cm across but because you thought that was just a shark fin it was terrifying, we ran back to the beach as the tide had come in a few metres

as I got out the ring I saw it come for me, but I scared it back till I finaly got on shore, It came at me in the shallows so I went out to it, grabbed it and chucked it on the shore,

at 1st it resembled a shark, but then some how made more sense as a large angry prawn, prawn in look but shapped like a boomerang with deadly teeth in the middle and sides, I wrestled it off and slammed it down into the sand hoping it would suffocate, but I had a fealing it wouldnt, with that the 8 of us fled.


We fled into the forrested mountains till we saw a green structure on top of a low peak, it was a large and long house stretching across the peak, we entered up the road and saw abandoned barns and a crane to our left and on our right a Conservatory, we entered with mess of plants and pots and found our way into the main house, no one was here, and didnt look like any one had been in a while, we knew that far from the sea we would be safe from the crocodile mans evil grasp, but all was not peaceful,
more supposed refugess joined us and so many of the 8 of us began relationships with them, these were the good ones, but some didnt seem right at all,

one group took a room and all we ever heard in there was the sound of chainsaws and robots, possibly they were making robots for robots wars, but is that really right anyway?

in another room, a long room down the side of the house by the kitchen, but its not very wide, there was a woman with here daughter, all along the wall of the room were wardrobes and since this room was more of a long hallway than a room there was only just enought room to squeeze past, but that didnt include when the mother was in there, she was obese so you couldnt get past her, and you wouldnt want to, all she did was scream and open the wardrobes looking for her daughter, she had big plans for her, she was to be a star! but the daughter didnt like this idea much

one day as the tension grew too much I was called outside to the balcony where I noticed to my dismey that in the valley were large lord of the rings oliphants, the crocodile man must of sent an army in land, we all grabbed weapons and tried to kill the riders before they could get the elephants alongside and attack us, we suceeded in this and began lauging and jibing them with songs we made up,

we knew the crocodile king would only send more against us so they 8 of us and there families decided to flee secretly leaving the others behind, but some tried to follow

we in our exited state jumped from the balcony, high high high up in the air, like an exaduarated pogostick and landed on the oliphants, we then did it once more to the other side of the valley onto a mountain where we entered a cave with a water fall, we knew there were people on the crocodile controlers side umongst us so we knew we had to loose them on the way,

we also noticed the prawn beast had survived and was in the waters of the pool under the water fall clearly heading for our house, but then it noticed us and especialy me as It still was out to get me, and I was in the pool of the water fall trying to get across and throught the water to the passage behing the water

so I lept high above the water and threw in a strange square of jelly, the water of the pool froze instantly killing the shrimp beast and then it followed the water up to the waterfall and froze the water curtain freezing all the traitors behind it,

"this is all very good..." some one said "...but how do we get through there now?" some on else pulled out the strange square jelly and threw it in the air towards the iced over waterfall, where it dicintergrated before it reached it

"whats that supposed to do then?" he questioned again

then the air became warm and stuffy like in a green house and this melted the thin layer of ice which caused a draft sucking the air down the tunnel before it could melt the still iced pool of water, we rushed across the frozen pool into the tunnel under the waterfall just as the water came finaly crashing down over the water fall again, leaving yet more un wanted tag alongs trapped behind as it made the iced over pool of water imposible to cross and flushed them out the cave

we tried to lose more followers in the tunnels but it wasnt working as well as we hoped, but luckily we found a tunnel back into our house, and we avoiding the robots ran through the robot wars room around the house and hid in the wardrobes, where we found the girl hiding again, then just as her mum walked up towards the door of the wardrobe we were in we kicked it open and it smacked her in the face knocking her out cold,

we repeated this process several times finaly after a month of being in the tunnels we returned through the valley and up the mountain the way we 1st came, the 8 and there families that were left, (who were by now all secret underground tv celebs and quite worn out) walked up the dirt path and saw in the green crane charlotte,

"theyve all gone" she said
"phew" I said
"you can stay here too if you want" I offered
"I already am" she replied

we went into the green house where another boy was
"its our science project" she said
but it looked like they were just cultivating and smoking cannabis to me

we then got in to find some of the lost people of the 8 families in the kitchen,
one of them was tossing pizza like a salad, another was tossing garlic bread

and we all sat down and ate

the triple barrel name numbskulls

through somebodies idiotic meddling of time and space
with an annoying time machine (lets not play the blame game, I might lose)
the world had been reset

I awoke in a strange medieval town, cobbled streets and all, but it seemed greener,
with a few benches here and there, then I noticed john and jim sitting at one of the benches with a table

"hello" I said
"who the fuck are you" they replied

I explained that I was a chum of theres and I tried to prove it,
I took them into ye olde medieval vinyl shoppe and picked out some jazz

"here you go" I said to jim, knowing that no one else in the entire world likes spazz, I mean jazz, so he believed me and my time machine mess up explaination

john being angry didnt believe me and stormed home to put "gay against you"'s "electric face wound" on repeat in his medieval gingerbread cottege in the town square where everyone hung out, he left the window open

me and jim walked down hill and saw ex-PE teacher mr clelland pushing washing machines into the medieval mall, we followed him in to his white good haven

it was rather open plan so we waited for his assistant to leave before we harassed him

"what are you doing" I asked

"ive opened a laundrette and I marry people on the side while I wait for the clothes to dry" he replied

thinking It bizzare and not believing him I asked
"if you can marry people then marry me and jim then"

he turned red and annoyed at the prospect, this made it even more fun, he knew he had to do it, so he did it,

we werent that bothered because it wasnt like in hollyoaks and we wouldnt be going to prison for lying, and we werent from albania, whats more it would look on the old CV, married and all that

so he wed us and we left laughing at how low he had become and at the prospect of all the mischief we could cause

we walked back up hill, past the ye olde medieval vinyl shop, they were selling yellow birds outside now for some reason, must be a medieval thing....

we went to the town square where we met alot of people that didnt believe us, some found it hillarious as we did, the other side of the town square was some sort of bread outlet, bit over the top with the orange decorations

then I heard "electric face wound" blarring out johns open window, and I began screaming along to the words, chucking bread in at him and other people joined in, all we heard was a crash and and a bang and a "ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH"

it was hilarious, but then we all had to stop as it was time for us to go to medieval college

Whale Rocketing and Skyscraper Searching

The fate of thr world rested upon me,
I was in some sort of secret government warehouse filled with
rockets,
amateur rockets that is
the evil superpower was laughing at the feeble technology with
which I was working,
I pumped the the bicycle pump twice, and if feedbly launched the

rocket into the pool,
we tried again, the same result,
now every one was laughing, it was our last chance
to I turned the pump upside down, and pushed it
BOOM
It launched off straight into the centre of the target,
which for some reason, I blame Japan, was a Whale?
We had won, thanks to me, so the bosses gave me a Holiday!

So there I was Enjoying the benefits of global warming at the beach
I was going to go swimming but apparently speedo's "are soo hot
right now" so I thought best not to risk it,

So I head up onto the cliffs to have a nap, and who should barge
over the hill, Grace, Phoebe and Anna, saying they demand we go
swimming, I tell them about the speedos and they agree, so we walk
past and Island from a previous dream and head back to our sky
scraper,

This being the future all the sky scrapers are the same and ours
has a whole shopping center but its in the way of our access of
getting to the street, so I go out and buy some sausages in the
street then head up to the roof in the lift, Who shouldd I meet up
there but Helen, she asked where I got the Sausages and I told her
and she rushed off to buy them,

Our Skyscraper also featured an american university and they loved
nothing more than ramming each other in the car park on the roof,
seeing as the roof could only fit like 7 cars this wanst good as he
nearly had a car off the edge, I decided that this wasnt good, So I
left,

Then I went exploring for a while round all the different floors
with a bag of wothers originals and ended up in a seedy bar in
copnor somehow, Then a teacher said we were going on a trip to
heaven and then only way to get there was a holy bus, so off I went
to speak to the correct authorities, this time I had to use the
blue lift, not the usual red one, I went up to a room and got the
golden bus, it was a medalion the size of a bus.

Then I ran to copnor again for no reason, then I saw robert in the
road, I thought I must hurry and get past him, I turned on my MP3
and and dashed by him, but one ear fell out

"oh Aaron, I have that comic you wanted"
I turned round and said
"oh sorry I have to go deliver the holy bus"

Before you know it Im at my skyscraper and find that we too have

installed a blue lift, so I try to call it hoping to deliver the golden bus for you trip to heaven (sounds like they were going to finish us all off, but im sure there was a button on the lift)
just as I thought I would finaly be free to have a break and finish all my tasks the damn lift wouldnt to work!!!!!

Devious Dev's Develish Destructive Dream

So Im at a party and were all having a laugh, infact it was so fun the whole town joined in, apart from the mayor, he was a square and lived in HMV, but then some odd boy who I think Is real and goes to my college came along with 3 bags of H&M clothes, It was really cool, Then we all dressed up in the same clothes (each goodie bag was the same) and we had fun.

Then we had enough and ended up in some open space in a city, seemed abit star-wars-esque, and then my friend said

"oh I really like that little rap, who did it"

"it was him" some one said,
pointing to Dev from the testicicles who was just hanging out under a lampost, he was in a rather classy beret, and he said

"nope wasnt me"

after this we started hearing red hot chilli peppers, for some reason we decided to take out the red hot chilli peppers and the already dead Kurt Cobain in one fell swoop, we went to a hotel and planted a bomb in the lobby, I think it was one of those non-lethal gunge ones, so we all ran upstairs, looked at our watches,

BOOM!

"oh no what has happened" I said in a monotone voice of mock shock

the we quickly exited the hotel, past the lobby which was a green and red mess, I could just make out a very messy red hot chilli pepper and we fled

We escaped mario cart DS style, and ended up in a sweet shop, I had a cup, and it wasnt like woolworths, or any other kind of shop, they judged volume

it went from 'teeny-weeny' to 'full cup', I didnt really want a full cup so I asked how far up the cup was 'quite little" she had a massive go at me, I had a go at her back, We grabbed some sweets and ran

remember, we blew up the red hot chilli peppers, we were hard! no fear you bastard! hahaha

then we ended up in a garden/country park, with suspicious KGB agents in trench coats so we avoided them and came to a reconstructed roman city, because it was a dream I couldnt tell if I was high up and it was big, or low down and it was small, I asked but the tour guide was ignorant, either way the brick work was exquisite!

then I got bored and wandered into a restraunt and there were Dr Who style aliens about, and I saw a secret agent from a previous dream and reported my finding to him from another dream In which forgot to tell him, he didnt believe me so I walked out into the town again, and there was another restraunt and my friends were outside, we walked up to the manager by the door, flashed out a medal and he gave a look of annoyance because it allowed us to eat free, oddly this restraunt was also a jewelry shop, so after a mega rectangluar pizza that went from one side of the table to another we ordered ice cream studed with large precious jewels and watches, which we took being free,

we left the restraunt, vowing to return, and noticed some angry people in red hot chilli pepper t-shirts, we fled into a high street and saw sega arcade machines onsale for £27.99 because the arcade was closing, then we noticed original restraunt, and the 1st restraunt and ran towards it, but the aliens were going mental so we fled in opposite directions.

I ended up in the park and through some bushes was a house and my family were at the table, my brother got the cheese wire dirty,

"now how shall we make the cheese cake!" they exclaimed, clearly never heard of washing up

then I said
"I will go clean it"

so I did, In a 100% wooden kitchen, and some one was in there making the cake, I said "what do I do next"

she said
"dont worry they will do it"

apparently she had aquired two russian servants, dressed in blue (a reference to Medieval Total War 2?)

and then I went outside and ate cheese cake with madonna, sir richard branson and various other people, (that I hadnt already blown up)